My A-Z of Success

by Gary McKendrick | Apr 16, 2018 | Blog

Its as simple as ABC

I wrote a blog last November titled ‘It’s as simple as ABC’ which got me thinking about the rest of the alphabet.  

When I think about where I was versus where I am today, I have come up with an ‘A to Z’ which continues to serve me well and keep me on point and moving forward.  

I hope it helps you too. This is also written for me as a reminder.

Firstly, I’ll list what each letter stands for then I’ll explain about each one.   

A = Acceptance
B = Behaviours
C = Confidence
D = Discipline
E = Emotions
F = Focus
G = Gratitude
H = Help
I = Integrity
J = Journaling
K = Knowledge
L = Love
M = Measure
N = No
O = Open-minded
P = People
Q = Quiet
R = Resilience
S = Sweat
T = Time Mastery
U = Understanding
V = Vision
W = Well-being
X = Xenia
Y = You
Z = Zest

A = Appreciation. Appreciate and accept your journey so far. It’s what has got you here and is part of what will get you there. Appreciate all you are and all you have overcome. Appreciate all that you have achieved. Appreciate that life will throw curveballs at you and these are your chance to test your strength and resilience to overcome them and grow as a person.  Appreciate the simple things, the stuff money can’t buy. It’s okay to appreciate the other material stuff too but don’t let it define you or let chasing cars, clothes and a big house turn into your ‘drug’ that sacrifices all the actual important stuff like love, laughter and learning. Just appreciate life and don’t waste it. You won’t get to the end and say “I wish I’d worked more hours” or “I wish I’d lived in the past more” or “I wish I’d worried more”.

B = Behaviours. Your behaviours, supported by your beliefs, create your outcome. The results you get are a direct result of your thinking and responding. Your routines, habits and rituals create your life today and tomorrow. Think about your daily thoughts and actions. Are they building or destroying your future? It’s the little things, over time, which result in huge progress or huge decline. It’s the compound effect; Einstein called it the Eighth Wonder of the world. Build solid foundations one brick at a time, then build your successful life one brick at a time. There’s no quick fix or magic pill, it’s just simple things done consistently, even when you don’t want to. Simple, but often not easy, fun or sexy. Stay calm and think about your responses and the consequences. You are either building or destroying.

C = Confidence. Your confidence is key to doing the things you need to do. It is key to how you feel and behave. Look after yourself to feel confident. Take care of your body and mind. Wear clothes you feel good in. Be confident in how you talk and walk. Confidence is built. Doing and gaining the experience in something builds your confidence. So fear not, or just fear less, be fearless and just do the thing you’ve been putting off, be courageous to build your confidence.

D= Discipline. Do the things you need to do to move forward and make progress. With discipline and commitment, you do the right thing at the right time. You are productive not just busy. We can all easily fill our days being busy with low-value trivial nonsense. The important high priority stuff often isn’t fun or sexy but you just do it even when you don’t feel like doing it. No excuses. You’re either making progress or making excuses. Discipline yourself to make progress. Ask yourself daily, “Is this activity moving me forward, is it building a better me and a better future, is it going to get me what I want?”  If yes, carry on. If no, either stop doing it, or delegate it or do it as quickly as possible as long as it’s at a time when something far more important doesn’t need doing instead.

E = Emotions. You control how you manage and respond to your emotions and feelings. Emotions can be good and bad or positive and negative. And it’s okay and natural to feel them all. It’s okay to feel angry, upset and hurt but it’s up to you how deeply this affects you, how long for and what lessons you will learn. Don’t allow yourself to have the emotional intelligence of a toddler or a dog. With practice, you can learn to be in control, to be calm. Calm is contagious. React with reason and logic. With chaos all around you, you will be the calm. People who get angry have lost control. Not you.

F = Focus. Focus on what you want not what you don’t want. Set your focus on your goals. Don’t focus on the negative, you will attract more of the same. I liken it to when you’re learning to ride a motorbike, you look to where you want the bike to go, not where you don’t want to go. On a bike when doing a U-turn, if you look at the kerb, you’ll likely hit the kerb so look to where you want to be.  And focus on the task at hand. Give it your full attention until it’s done. Set your intention to give something or someone your full attention. Single task your way to success, whether it’s spending time with a colleague or a loved one or getting a job done. Multi-tasking is a fools game. Allowing yourself to be distracted is your fault. Focus has aim to hit a target. No focus is aimless and hits nothing.

G = Gratitude. Be thankful and appreciate what you have and who you are. Be grateful for your past but don’t live in it, that’s called being depressed. Be grateful for your now, your present. Be grateful for your future that you’re creating, but don’t live in the future or worry about the future, that’s called being anxious. Be grateful for all the wonderful things around you that life has given you. In our modern ever-changing world, there is a lot to be grateful for.  For example, be grateful for social media but be grateful for the real Twitter, as in hearing birds in the morning. Be grateful for being you, your current health, wealth, spouse, kids, parents, friends, your car, house, garden, clothes, bed, running water, electricity, gas, phones, TV, the local doctor and hospital care, air to breathe, grass, flowers, trees, the local park, nature, the seasons, your sight, your hearing, your limbs, your touch, your taste, your smell, your heart, your mind, your strength, mobility, your job, your colleagues, your clients, your kids’ school and teachers, your smile, your teeth, your holidays, weekends, the internet, the smell of coffee, the taste of coffee, a cup of tea, sunshine, clouds, rain, the sound of rain on your conservatory roof or car roof, snow, the moon, the stars, films, music, your favourite song, how you feel after exercising, your best friend, a joke, laughing, crying, dancing or playing with your kids, hot bath or shower, morning kisses from your family, a smile from a stranger, food, the weekend, a night of romance & passion. You can even be grateful for your mistakes.  Think and you’ll find so much to be grateful for.

H = Help. Help others by giving them something they need. Give it to them before they’ve even asked for it. Try a random act of kindness. This makes you feel good. You are putting positive energy out there which will serve you well. Also, don’t forget yourself: help yourself by seeking help if you need it. You won’t ever know everything so don’t be afraid of asking for help.

I = Integrity. Be a man or woman of integrity. Do what you said you’d do. Deliver on promises made. Be honourable, respectful, trustworthy and live to your core values, beliefs and principles.  Don’t break promises with loved ones, friends, colleagues or clients. Do the right thing. Be consistent in every environment. You are YOU, be it at work, home or at play. You are consistent with your thoughts, words and actions. You recognise the impact you have on others with your words and behaviours. If you allow your emotions to drive you out of integrity then you stop, reflect, apologise, learn and correct yourself. You inspire others to live with integrity.  

J = Journaling. The power of pen and paper is immense. Get your thoughts and ideas out of your head. Plan your day, write affirmations and write about what would make today great. Then Review your day, reflect on how you responded and behaved, what were your wins, what didn’t go so well, what did you learn, write down things you’re grateful for, remind yourself what your goals are, get creative and brainstorm current challenges or new ideas. Or just write the rambling thoughts of a madman – it’s better out than in!

K = Knowledge. You don’t know everything. You know what you know. You know what you don’t know. But mostly, you don’t know what you don’t know. So find out what you don’t know. You must always be learning. What got you here won’t get you there. Work out what you want and the actions needed to get it. Learn the knowledge then apply it. You MUST apply knowledge otherwise it’s pointless learning. Where are you now, where do you want to be, then acquire the knowledge needed to bridge the gap.  

L = Love. Soppy is it? No it’s not. Firstly you must love yourself, not in vain egotistical way but in a way that is about self-care, self-respect and being comfortable and confident in your own skin. Accept who you are, stop comparing, you are not broken. Just aim to be better every day. Only when you truly love yourself can you fully allow someone else to love you and you to give love to them. As Aristotle said, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.”  Love is what connects people and forms beautiful relationships. Surround yourself with people you love. Get rid of the haters, the cynics, the critics, the whingers, the blamers and complainers. And loving what you do will keep you doing it. Loving the results you get when you do something you don’t enjoy will keep you doing it; you’ll end up loving the process and the results.

M = Measure. What you measure you can manage. You can influence results. You track performance, you track your progress and you refine your actions to keep moving forward. Measure your business numbers, know your numbers to Influence them: sell more, convert more, reduce costs, increase productivity and profits. Know your body numbers to gain muscle, lose body fat, get faster or stronger. Measure the performance of your team to improve them. Measure the number of date nights you have with your spouse to make sure you get them done. Just track and measure all the stuff you value. But remember, not everything that matters can be measured and not everything that can be measured matters!

N = No. Learn to say ‘No’. Consider all your obligations and commitments; are they all for your benefit, are they serving you and moving you forward, towards your goals? Or have you over-committed yourself based on other people’s wants and needs? Guard your time, it is the most precious tool you have. Spend it wisely. Don’t waste it. Protect it. Don’t let others steal it.  Say ‘No’ more to achieve more.

O = Open-minded. Being open-minded is key to growth and happiness.  It is key to learning new things and trying new things to get new results. Be open to new ways of thinking, acting, behaving and creating. If you are closed minded or have a fixed mindset then you will remain the same. So open your mind.  In the words of Einstein (or Frank Zappa!) “the mind is like a parachute, it only works if we keep it open”.

P = People. The people we allow in our lives is important to consider as they are influential. For example, if you spend a lot of time with people who have achieved great things, more than you have, and also people who are on a similar journey as you are, then you will be inspired to keep going and have a good support network around you.  If you get close to high achievers and model their behaviours then you will get results you want. If however you spend your time with an army of negative, cynical, critical blamers and complainers, then guess what you’re very likely to become too. Your team you build is your choice, get it right. Remove people who are of no help. Remove the drama queens.  If it’s family then just limit the time you spend with them.

Q = Quiet. Spend some time every day with some peace and quiet. This could be just sitting reading a book, or a walk, or meditation. This time is critical for thoughts, reflection and calming the mind. This could be part of your morning routine in relaxing and priming yourself for a great day ahead. Or your evening routine in reflecting on your day or just having a bath. Or it could be a moment you grab for a few minutes fresh air or a walk in the woods or dating yourself (eg take yourself for a coffee). Spend some time with yourself.  

R = Resilience. Life happens and life throws curveballs at us. And you will make mistakes and you will fail. You will have ‘bad stuff’ to deal with which is painful, traumatic, frustrating, disappointing, sad and hurtful. But you will get back up and keep going. You will never quit on what you want your life to be like.  You will never accept average or mediocre. You will win and you will learn. Each failure is just a reminder that you need to try something else. It’s just a lesson in disguise. Keep moving forward even if you’ve had to take a step back. The highs will get higher and the lows less deep.

S = Sweat. Move. Everyday. Do something to improve any or all of these: your strength, mobility, flexibility, endurance, energy levels. You must be on point; you must look after your best asset; you. No excuses. You do have time. So join a gym, a yoga class, a boot camp, or start running, cycling or rowing, hiking, try boxing or karate, wall-climbing, mountain climbing, skiing, snowboarding, surfing or just buy some kettlebells and Davina’s DVD. Value your health, keep your vehicle (your body) in shape so it can get you to where you want to be. Also, this epic habit builds your discipline, your confidence and helps you have a better day rather than just dragging your lazy arse out of bed and getting through the day with constant low energy levels, surviving on coffee, red bull and junk food.  

T = Time Mastery. How you spend your time is an indicator what you value, what is important to you and what your priorities are. It also determines your future. Spend some time thinking about this and the results you currently have.  The most successful people in the world have the same amount of time as you. The difference; they know how to schedule their priorities and have the commitment to complete them. Those who value their health, they schedule exercise. Own your schedule. Don’t let the day own you. Don’t let your bad habits steal your time. When working on a task, ask yourself, is this moving me forward? Or is this just low-value trivial stuff which makes me busy but not productive? Or is it something I can delegate? The things that make progress are often not the things we want to do but are the things we need to do. So which list is the task on; the WANT to do or the NEED to do? The Want list is the more fun and easy stuff; the Need list is where the progress is.  So stop choosing the easy and convenient stuff; do the real stuff which makes you the progress you need.

U = Understanding. We must understand what we need to do, why, how and when. Our understanding or knowledge or learning must never cease. To deepen your level of understanding of the things that matter is critical to your success. By that I mean you should not just be good or great at your chosen vocation, you shouldn’t even just be excellent, you should aim to be a master craftsman. This is the top of your game. This takes constant deliberate practice of honing skills, learning and improving. Understand where and how you can get better. Understand what might be holding you back. Understand how your communications affect others. Understand that your chosen words, tone, volume and body language will have an effect. Understand that if the other person doesn’t understand then that is down to you. Understanding is also showing kindness, compassion and empathy to others. Good people have good intentions. Seek first to listen then understand then respond. To quote Aristotle “Those who know, do. Those who understand, teach”. Understand yourself. The more you understand what you have control over, the more freedom you will create.

V = Vision. Have a vision of what you want your life to be like and who you want to become. Those who stumble through life on autopilot just reacting to circumstances will never find fulfilment in life. People who aim for nothing, get nothing. So have a vision of what you want. And then take steps to create it, one little step at a time. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Think about your impact on your community too. How are you making it a better place? What will people say about you when you’re gone. Do something worthwhile. Where’s the richest source of dreams, visions and potential? In the cemetery; from all the people who did nothing with their vision and potential.

W = Well-being. You are your best asset so you must look after yourself both physically and mentally. Each day, exercise is a priority but you must also balance this with plenty sleep (7-8hrs), hydration (min 2litres), clean whole foods (cut out processed crap), zero smoking, zero drugs, I would say zero alcohol, that is my choice since December 2009 and it keeps me on-point but it’s obviously your choice; just think about how productive you are and the choices you make when you’re full of booze and then hungover the day after. Your mental and emotional well-being need to be on-point too.  You need to be confident and comfortable being you, have a good attitude to life, have good social skills and act with reason and logic.

X = Xenia. Not many words beginning with X. This one was the only one I had to Google to be honest. I was thinking you need the ‘X-factor’ but that’s just lame. So what is Xenia? It is the Ancient Greek concept of hospitality, or a tolerance of strangers, or foreigners and in today’s world, I think this is very appropriate. It touches on what I talk about in Understanding. Yes, we are all different, we are totally unique but we are all human beings. We are all just being human. The majority of us are good at it. The media would have you believe the world is full of chancers, charlatans, criminals and terrorists. We are a smorgasbord of different people with their own values and beliefs. We must be more tolerant of each other. Beliefs and how we perceive the world are very strong emotions. Beliefs have the power to put people at war with each other. But what if we just accepted we all have a different viewpoint and then got on with being a good human. Help others. Do a random act of kindness. Give compliments. Buy a Big Issue. Give our time and money to help others. Talk to strangers. Learn a new language. Travel to new exotic places. Experience other cultures. There’s far more out there than the soap opera life the media would have the rest of the world think we live here in the U.K. and that you allow yourself to live if you’re not careful.   

Y = You. Just be you! You are good enough. You are unique and also complex. Some days you’ll be happier and more energetic than others. Some days you may feel the clouds above you and not want to get out of bed. This is totally okay and natural. On the darker days, you can reflect and recharge. Know your own character and personality and how to dial it up or down. You already have everything you need to achieve the things you want. You just need a little help to support you through change and growth. Don’t try to be anyone other than you. Trying to be someone you’re not is exhausting. Simple really but some people start thinking and doing things because of what others expect; or what they think others expect of them. Be your totally unique self. There is no one like you; there never will be. Don’t waste being you. Don’t be a people pleaser. Don’t try to be liked by everyone; this is impossible and you will fail. Find your audience and they will like you then love you and you’ll attract more folk like this. Remember, some people will love you, some will hate you and the rest won’t care about you. Let the haters hate, let them criticise, be jealous and be cynical while you just carry on being you. The best form of revenge is massive success. The haters only hate because they haven’t got what it takes to do what you’re doing so they try and bring you down. Like a bucket of crabs; when one tries to escape, the others don’t help, they pull it back in. So value being you. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself. Love & respect yourself.  

Z = Zest. A zest for life. You’re here, you’re alive and breathing, you have this life to live today. Don’t waste it. Don’t worry about what’s next; who knows where the next life is and who or what you’ll be: does your soul move on into another body, another life or world or are you just dust, the end. Who knows, you’ll find out one day though. In the meantime, just value this one and live this one. Today. Be present. Live in the present. The past doesn’t define you. Nor does the unknown future. But today’s thoughts, beliefs, habits, rituals, behaviours, reactions and responses will create your now. And now is the only time that exists.

These four walls…..

by Gary McKendrick | Mar 15, 2018 | Blog

Imagine a life confined to the same four walls, every day, forever.

Sounds like a prison doesn’t it?

It is. And you created it.

You get up, go to work, see the same people, feel unsatisfied, complain and blame about the same things, come home, eat, sleep; Rinse – Repeat.  Each day you long for something different but do nothing different to get it.

If you don’t go to new places, you won’t see new things, experience new things, learn new things, create new memories, meet new people, create new opportunities and connections which could change your life; you simply won’t learn and grow as a person.

You can also imprison yourself with your limiting self-beliefs.  If you think you can’t do it, then you can’t.  You have ALL THE RESOURCES and the POWER WITHIN YOU to make a change.

A glorious saying is:

“The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work if it is not open”.

Frank Zappa said it apparently; that wise old Jazz/Rock guy from the 70’s.

So, what’s with all the jazzy philosophy you say? Well a friend of mine, our Kassie, recently got me thinking about opening our minds to seeing the world.

Our brains want us to feel safe so we get ourselves in a safe place, the comfort zone, it’s easiest to survive in there you see.  But the comfort zone is no place for progress.  As said by PT Barnum (yes, The Greatest Showman!) “Comfort; the enemy of progress”.  [incredible film by the way].

“Life begins where the comfort zone ends”.

You are not the centre of the universe. So, get out there and see it, experience it.

Doing something new and different can feel scary, risky or dangerous.  It can also feel exciting, adventurous and liberating.  The interesting thing is, the symptoms of all these states are much the same; we just choose how we interpret them, choose what they mean to us and choose how to react. Retreat or Proceed.

If you feel fear; what is this feeling based on? It’s your mind telling you stories and trying to keep you safe remember.  Which is a very good intention but one that holds you back. Retreat.

Or perhaps the people in your life are telling you not to do it.  They think it’s too dangerous, too unknown. Again, not helpful.  Of course, they’re allowed to love you and want you to retreat, to keep you safe but they can’t stop you scratching that itch of getting out into that big old world and creating. You need to proceed; to go forth and try new things, to proceed and create [not ‘procreate’, that’s fun but not today’s topic].

You see, you are either a Creature or a Creator.  A Creature of circumstance or a Creator of your own circumstance.

A Creature believes that they have no control and that life just keeps serving them shit sandwiches. Whereas a Creator understands that we can create our own life by the thoughts, beliefs, attitude and reactions we choose.  Even those events that are outside of our control, we choose how to react to them, we choose how we feel, how long we allow the feelings to go on for and what we learn from them. Then we overcome, refine and tweak ourselves and move forward in life a stronger person.

We be getting all philosophical again.

So back to our Kassie. She decided to take a trip to Peru. She’s a big fan of Paddington Bear you see. Actually, I don’t know if she is, I must ask her. [deepest darkest Peru is where Paddington is from if you don’t know!]

The interesting thing about this trip starts here.  Kassie and her Chester Bennington lookalike boyfriend Ben were actually planning on buying their first home together. An exciting milestone in life and a relationship. But it fell through.  THIS was the catalyst for them deciding to take a trip; they were disappointed of course but figured it just wasn’t meant to be yet.  So they Created.  A trip. Let’s go nuts and see the world while we can they thought.

Thailand was the initial thought but the travel agent brought their attention to Peru with the Inca trail, the salt-flats and Copacabana.  They researched it further by reading reviews and speaking to people who’d been there and all was positive.  There were people who had concerns for their safety but these concerns weren’t based on any experienced facts, they’d never been.  Interesting that the people who’ve never experienced what you want to experience would suggest you don’t do it.  Of course, I understand that loved ones worry for our safety but you can’t protect your loved ones by preventing them experiencing new things.  In fact, I’d say you’ve done an excellent job of parenting if you’ve raised your young to be confident, independent and willing to travel thousands of miles away just for the experience.

A 3-week trip to Peru. With 10days for the Inca trail.  This was 8-12hrs of walking every day, contending with the altitude and the sun. Doesn’t sound like much of a holiday does it? It was but mostly it was an experience.  This was learning about their own abilities and themselves.

This was also learning about the art of preparation. Be prepared. Pack for all seasons. There were hailstones for god’s sake. Who knew, in Peru?! There’s a life lesson there – be prepared for all seasons.  Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows; it’s also rain, snow, wind, clouds, cold, frost, thunder, lightning, heatwaves, drought, famine and feast.  Be prepared for it all. Embrace it and appreciate it all especially the sunshine.

Through their experience, they found a new appreciation of the modern life we take for granted.  At the end of a hard days hiking, they were brought a hot bowl of water for their feet. A simple bowl of hot water.  That someone brought them.  Kindness and simple things.  Recognise what simple things others need and give it to them. #lifelesson

Then they pretty much ate, then slept and were woken early the next morning with a pot of tea.  The hygiene facilities were just a good old ‘squaddie wash’.  An appreciation of their home luxuries of beds, heat, comfort, showers and toilets was duly founded.

Like life, the Peru trip wasn’t all picture perfect. There were down moments such as after the Inca trail they were stuck for accommodation and had a terrible 2day trip.  From the highs of the Inca trail and all the people they’d bonded with, to a low where they felt a bit lost and underwhelmed.  This is fairly natural though, to experience such a high with 15 other people it will naturally feel like a comedown afterwards and not exciting or fun anymore.  You miss these people already.  So stay in touch. Don’t get too busy to not stay in touch #lifelesson

They found the Peruvians to be great hosts who were very proud of their country and its nature.  We are lucky enough to have some spectacular nature in the UK – when did you last visit any or even just take a walk outside or go to a local woods or park? Stop and think about what you have around you and get yourself outside.  Grab a big old lungful of fresh air, clear out yer pipes!

Kassie and Ben-nington stayed connected and in touch with the world on an evening when they had some wifi.  But during the day, they were present in the moment.

Technology.  It’s a wonderful thing but it’s also a menace. Such a brilliant invention; no need for postcards or letters anymore, which would actually end up arriving after you’ve returned home from your holiday anyway (I might be showing my age here to all the millennials out there). Their evening wifi connection allowed them to share their experience with their friends and let their loved ones know they were safe. Phones 1 Postcards Nil.

Their phones kept them connected and also got some great pictures; some very creative ones with dinosaurs and Pringles tubes on the salt flats.  Phones are great; we appreciate them.

But I’ll dig deeper here – being connected can also be a curse, a distraction to you actually being present in the moment.  Being present is the best gift you can give anyone; your time and being present with them; in the moment. Not distracted by your phone and wanting to share a ‘look at me, look at my perfect life, I’m so happy’ post on Fakebook.  It’s all nonsense. Filtered images, backgrounds all tidied up to look like a show home.  Life isn’t all pancakes and rainbows is it.  My point is, take a holiday without your phone, or schedule some time with someone and ban phones, or a date night with your partner or children. Just put down your phone and have a conversation or get down on the floor and play with your kids, instead of sitting on your sofa on your phone or at the local soft play centre, on your phone.  Parents will know what I mean here; next time you’re out with your kids at the local soft play, just notice how many parents just sit and stare at their phones completely ignoring their partners and their kids.  Just saying.

You can’t experience love and life through Twitter or Instagram or Facebook.

Anyway, Bassie aren’t like that I just thought it needed to be said. (Bassie = Ben & Kassie: see what I did there?).

Back to the trip. They cycled on Bolivia’s Death Road which apparently kills nearly 300 people per year with parts of it being only a few metres wide with sheer drops to one side whilst overlooking the stunning views of the Amazon rainforest.

The salt flats of Bolivia are the largest in the world. Crystallised salt covering over 4000 square miles; formed by pre-historic lakes running dry leaving a salt crust.

There’s even a salt hotel. A hotel made entirely out of blocks of salt for the walls, floor, ceiling and furniture.  There’s one rule “Do not lick the walls”.  Degrades the hotel you see.  Ben was gutted, he loves licking hotel walls!

One of the best things about travelling is strengthening the relationship with yourself, your partner and also new people you meet along the way. Bassie bonded with two Canadian girls; they’re already planning on visiting them and even potentially living there one day. All through meeting someone on a trip.

The trip has also cemented their idea of travelling in a campervan so they’ll make that happen.

An adventure, or doing anything different or outside of the ‘norm’, can be the catalyst for so many different things in your life. It’ll lead you to new paths you would never have encountered before and it’ll make you more confident, more responsible to make decisions for yourself.  It’ll give you the courage to go on creating the life you want to live. And with no regrets later in life that you should’ve done this or done that while you had the chance, the opportunity, the money, the time, the feeling to just do it.

No one gets to the end of their life and says “I wish I’d worked harder” or “I wish I’d not been so fucking happy”.  From a study by a palliative care nurse called Bronnie Ware, the top 5 regrets were:

1. To have the courage to live their life to their choices not other peoples
2. To have not spent so long working
3. To have expressed their feelings more
4. To have stayed in touch with friends
5. To let themselves be happier (this one was about making choices to get them out of their comfort zone and overcome the fear of change).

So I salute Kassie and Ben for taking their trip and for inspiring me to write this and also travel more if the wife will let me or come with me! (Bassie, you’re looking after the kids okay?)

And finally, a wonderful ending to the whole adventure is that the house that originally fell through; well they’re only now living in it. I think that’s amazing. This trip was meant to happen for them; they got their house in the end anyway.  Beautiful stuff.

So get out there, beyond your four walls, travel outside your comfortable bubble (or rut) of life and find yourself, challenge yourself, learn new skills, appreciate, discover, expand your mind, change your perspective, see how others live, experience new foods and languages, marvel at nature, create memories and stories, form new friendships, be free, be an explorer; see where it takes you.

The MCKENDRICK Program

by Gary McKendrick | Feb 12, 2018 | Blog

A 10-module program over 13weeks.

To help you measure where you are, focus on what you want and take the action to get it.

Never under-estimate yourself.

I’ve been lost, frustrated and overwhelmed with a lack of happiness and progress.

I’ve developed a system that I use to keep me on-point.

M     MINDSET

C     CLARITY

K     KICK-ASS

E     ENVIRONMENT

N     NUMBERS

D     DISCIPLINE

R     RESILIENCE

I      INTEGRITY

C     CONTRIBUTION

K     KICK-BACK

Get in touch for more information.

Making the decision and getting help will be the first step to change your life.

Caveat: Don’t forget it’ll take constant hard work. There’s no magic pill, magic book, magic course or miracle “goo-roo”. It’s simply down to you and your efforts. But I can be your accomplice to a better place.

Are you taking ‘it’ seriously?

by Gary McKendrick | Jan 5, 2018 | Blog

What is your “it”?

‘It’ could be anything:

• Your health
• Your business
• Your career
• Your relationships (with your partner/kids/family/friends/colleagues)
• Your finances
• Your life!!

Whatever it is, you’ve got to take ‘it’ seriously. I don’t mean serious have no fun, I mean you’ve got to commit to ‘it’.

And nurture it, care for it, value it, invest in it.

Otherwise, it’s just a passing phase, a hobby, something you’ll do when you feel like it.

If you take it for granted or ignore it, it’s like leaving your new bike outside to rust.

Take care of it. Value it. Invest in it.

When you invest in something, you get a return.

If you are investing but getting no return then either stop investing or ask yourself are you fully committed and investing the right way. Or do you need help.

I’m on this subject as a result of a day trip to York yesterday. I obviously value my family so invested in a day to York on the train.  The kids loved it, we all loved it. Great memories were created.

It was fantastic to be off the radar from the day job, being a dad, a husband and a tourist. I was present. We must be present in the moment. If we’re thinking about the past or worrying about how we look or worrying about something in the future that hasn’t even happened yet and likely won’t, then how can you enjoy the present moment. I have worked hard on this and keep learning how to be more present.

The best investment you can make in your relationships is to be fully present in the moment. Serve the other person with what they need. Sometimes this is just silence, as in listen to them.  Ever noticed that the two words are made up of the same letters: silent & listen.

So on the subject of taking things seriously, some experiences yesterday got me thinking.

We went into a local cafe and two confectionery shops. All three of them not taking their business seriously.  Or perhaps it was the staff not taking their jobs seriously or understanding what their job truly is. Is this then lack of staff training which again is the business owner not taking his business seriously.

Let me give you details.

Experience no1. A Cafe.

We needed lunch so we’re about to go into a Slug & Lettuce, a known brand so we felt safe to trust this option. We knew what to expect and this was good for our needs. This highlights the importance of building your trusted brand. However I do like to support local businesses and also try new places so we chose a local cafe opposite the Slug & Lettuce. Lovely helpful staff and the food was pretty decent but the place was just lacking something and we left feeling a lack of ‘wow’ and that we would not return nor go out of our way to recommend the place. The experience was not fully up to par. It’s the little things that count and make all the difference. For example, the backshop area leading to the toilets was shoddy and there was no soap in the toilets. If they took their business 100% seriously then they’d have this all on point.

Experience no2. A Sweet shop.

One of those shops that imports American sweets. The shop looked great on first impressions and the kids were buzzing, so was I. It was empty too so the guy should have been all over us or at least acknowledged us. But no, he just stayed behind his counter and said nothing until I spoke to him. Then his mobile rang and he answered it and had a lovely conversation, only pausing to serve us. His only customers at the time but he chose answering the phone. So we bought the sweets and left, then discovered that some of the sweets we bought were 2months out of date!! So back in to tell the guy, he was suitably embarrassed (and off the phone by this point so I go his full attention) and he apologised. Turns out the whole box of these sweets were out of date. Again if he took his business seriously he would not have let this happen. Systems in place for stock control, stock checking, re-ordering. And most importantly, some customer service skills.

Experience no3. A fudge shop.

Again we were the only customers in the shop. No positive greeting from the salesperson.  We said hello first, she replied. And I’m asking questions about fudge; what’s the most popular, what’s the strangest flavour, and she answers with no enthusiasm and not much of a smile. It seemed like she just needed a job, she was there to put the hours in, get paid and no more. Or perhaps we caught her on a bad day, she was dealing with some personal trauma, well in the customer service field you must be able to put your game face on when needed.

She had some fudge that’d just been made, she could’ve talked us through the process and offered a taste. But nothing, “yeah I’ve just made this batch” was all we got.

Massive mistakes all over. We walked into this shop as customers who were ready willing and able to buy. But we didn’t. The experience she delivered made us say “we might come back later”. Did we? Nope. And when we return to York, will we then, nope.

Your best form of marketing is a happy customer who has been delivered a positive experience at every touchpoint. Don’t do yourself a disservice by letting the little things bring you down.

Train your self and your staff in the importance of delivering an experience. Map your customer journey and assess if it delivers. From your website, your business card, your brochure, your emails, your phone manner, your quotes, your timely attention, your packaging, your service, your appearance, your attitude, your words, your housekeeping, your end report, your invoice, your after-sales care and your marketing to get that customer to buy again and again and tell others to as well.

Take IT seriously.

What’s your IT?

You can apply this logic to anything.

Value it, invest in it, nurture it, improve it. Surround yourself with people who help you do it.

Take your health seriously, your relationships, your work, your money, your home, your future. Take life seriously. But remember to take having fun seriously too.

Life isn’t about being serious, I mean take it seriously. Commit to it.

New Year New You….blah blah blah

by Gary McKendrick | Dec 31, 2017 | Blog

I wrote this in December 2013, after 4 years sober…..

by Gary McKendrick | Dec 14, 2017 | Blog

This piece was written in Dec 2013 after 4yrs being sober; for a website called Soberistas.

I have never shared it other than on that website.

Its a long read but you might enjoy it.

And if it now helps one person then my job is done….

4 years. FOUR years.  At first I never thought I would make 1 week without drinking never mind talking about years but here I am with 4 years alcohol free. Now it’s just life as I know it; I just simply don’t drink.  But things weren’t so simple to begin with that’s for sure.  There are so many challenges to face when you throw away the comfort blanket of the booze and try to change the habits of a lifetime.

So this 4year milestone has just made me feel like writing down my thoughts and sharing my tale with others who may be travelling down a similar road.  If I can do it, anyone can.

It is possible to change; you firstly have to have the will to change and want to improve your life, then it’s down to good old will power, discipline and breaking all those bad habits you have that revolve around drinking and when you’re going to get your next one.  Get rid of the idea that you need alcohol to function in life; we’re programmed to think that alcohol is a multi-purpose necessity in life; birthdays, Christmas, weddings, christenings, funerals, anniversaries, leaving do’s, any social event you can think of, or just if we’re stressed, happy, sad or plain bored – roll out the booze and turn that frown upside down; chuck in the booze and it turns a good party into a fucking great party. Well that’s just bollocks.

I used to love my booze. I’d plan my life around it. From any social event or family gathering to just the basics of life; like a shopping trip on a Saturday, well let’s get a pub visit into the schedule and make sure there’s beers in the fridge for teatime. Coming home from work knowing there was no alcohol in the house was a disaster.

But now I don’t drink.  To get to this point wasn’t easy at first but now it’s much like cigarettes are to me; I’ve never been a smoker so when I see people smoking, or see them on shelves in the shops, I just don’t think about it because it’s something I don’t do. Drinking is like that now; I see it everywhere but I don’t do it so it goes over my head as cigarettes always have.

I try not to demonise it but I can’t help but consider alcohol as a poison now. Much like smoking which is going to massively increase your chances of getting lung cancer so why do it.  Why put a substance in your body that can harm you or even kill you. It doesn’t make sense to me now.  Well alcohol is going to make your life extremely miserable if you’re not careful, as well as the obvious long term health risks of course.  But we aren’t bothered about that really; it’s not going to happen to me is it.  But I did become bothered about my quality of life and the relationships with my loved ones; my life was suffering due to my drinking and deep down I wasn’t happy.

“I’m not an alcoholic” – I said this all the time. I still don’t think I was but I did have a big drinking problem so does that not fit the definition of an alcoholic – a dependence on alcohol? Albeit my problem was mostly massive binge drinking on weekends!! During the week I never got drunk due to my job which I loved my career, I always strived to do well at work and I did.  During the week it was no more than 3 pints on a work night.  My routine was always to have a beer as soon as I got in from work; on an empty stomach, a quick beer gave that lovely beer buzz.  Then another one but drank more slowly, then another with my food and that was me; a nice little beer buzz after work was the reward for any working day; be it a good, bad or indifferent day.  Occasionally I may have had more during the week but I was pretty much in control. But then came the weekends and it was binge o’clock baby!!

There were starting to become occasions when work was affected though.  As I got older into my late 20’s and early 30’s, a weekend binge would still have me feeling off colour on a Monday and Tuesday. And if I had to attend an overnight event for work, I was always the one to be relied upon to “unlock the fun” and be the life of the party; then next day I’d sit in a meeting or a conference feeling awful and regretting staying up in the hotel bar til 4am.  I sort of had a bit of a reputation for it which I kind of liked and it didn’t seem to affect my career progression as I always worked hard; I liked the “work hard, play hard” moniker which I used a lot to excuse my behaviour; “Oh I’ve had a hard day/week so I’m letting off steam” so I’m going out all weekend to get arseholed.

Looking back I just have to laugh.  For example, when you’re pissed it makes perfect sense to wake up in any of the following places I have:-

1. On the floor of the living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom (most rooms of the house)
2. In my car
3. On the office floor
4. In a police cell
5. In my front garden
6. In a field
7. In random girls’ beds
8. On random floors after parties I’ve ended up at
9. Random hotels that I’d checked into

And then there’s the number of times I’ve woke up with a black eye, a split lip, bumps & grazes, torn clothes, covered in puke and I’ve even shit my pants on a few special occasions!

One time I woke up wearing someone else’s clothes; make’s sense to swap clothes when you’re pissed – fortunately they were a man’s clothes; though he must have been a big lad because I looked like Tom Hanks in Big.

Life without drink doesn’t make it all like a magical Mary Poppins perfect world; I thought it would fix all my problems; it doesn’t.  But what it does do is make the challenges of life far easier to cope with and gives you a balanced sense of wellbeing, a clear head and absolute focus.  Removing the mask of alcohol actually makes you initially feel very vulnerable and exposed; you’re stripped back to just YOU, warts and all; there’s no crutch to rely on, you have to learn to cope with all the things life throws at you and all your anxieties and insecurities that you’ve dulled with the booze all your life, well they come back to kick you in the goolies too.

But you can truly discover your true self once you’re not clouded by alcohol and you can take a good look at your life and make the necessary changes to improve things; be it your health, your job, your relationships, your hobbies – anything.

I’m an all or nothing kind of bloke so I decided to change the following things:

1. Alcohol
2. My relationship
3. My job

I knew these 3 things in my life were not making me happy, so they had to go. But I didn’t do them in that order; I suppose I was still in denial about my drinking so I firstly ended my relationship with my then fiancé who I had spent 3 years with and I did love her but she wasn’t a big drinker and I thought she was the problem in trying to control me (she quite rightly hated my drinking habits).  So I ended this relationship, we both cried and then I spent the next 5 months feeling like a free man and going out all the time and getting as drunk as possible; in complete denial about my problem.

For a short while I thought I had it all; freedom, nights out, seeing as many girls as I wanted etc but then I stopped caring about work and the drinking on the weekends extended into doing the Sunday night too and Monday was off sick with a hangover (not a good example of the manager). I was drinking more during the week too.  So I knew the alcohol had now become an even bigger problem; with no loved one there to go home to every day, I could see how easy it would be to become a raging alcoholic.

So after a mega-binge, I woke up fully clothed on top of my bed one Sunday morning feeling like utter shit. I’d spent £300 in a lap-dancing club that I had no memory of even being in; just the debit card receipts in my pockets.  So with the drinks elsewhere that night I had spent the best part of £500 and all I had was a bad head and misery for it.  I got up and checked that there were no other humans present throughout the house that I might have invited back for a party or something; the coast was clear.  It took all the strength I could muster to make a cup of tea and then I lay on the sofa all day and I cried a lot that day.  I knew then that this wasn’t what a happy life was all about.  I was all alone. I knew I had to give up drinking.  I had said that I would a thousand times before but I knew I actually had to this time.

So that day I tipped all remaining alcohol that I had in the house down the sink. That was easy I thought; though I was tempted to have a beer to ease the hangover but I didn’t.  I spent the next 5 weeks avoiding most people apart from my parents. I avoided friends and going out.  Just went to work and came home and drank milk and cups of tea.  It was really difficult to break the habit of those after work beers I loved so much. I found a glass of milk would help a lot, I just thought of beer and milk curdling in my stomach and that put me off.  Weekends I just stayed in and watched my favourite films or ‘hung out’ with my parents feeling like I was missing out! So after a long 5 weeks with no alcohol I thought I’d cracked it; I was “cured”.

I now thought that I could drink in moderation.  How wrong I was; epic fail coming up here.  It was 3weeks before Christmas 2009 at this point and I went out for the works party with the intention of having no more than 4 pints.  Within the first hour I’d had said 4 pints and proceeded to get shit faced, make an arse of myself, tried to shag anything that moved and lost my wallet and phone. I didn’t get into a fight though so that was a bonus! I cried the whole next day with my hangover to nurse.  (I did get my wallet and phone back though; one of my work colleagues had seen what state I was in and put them in his pocket to save me from losing them).  So I was back to square one; I now knew I had to stop for good this time.  I think everyone needs to fall off the wagon though; just once mind.

Me and alcohol are the most destructive relationship I have had in my life from the age of 16 to the age of 33. But it was always there to help me cope whether I was happy or sad, it was there for me. The people who were actually there for me got burnt along the way; twice divorced by the age of 25 says a lot. And I got engaged again later in life. I chose drinking every time though. My ex-wives now tell me that my drinking was a far bigger issue than they made out at the time but they thought I would perhaps grow up and grow out of it.  My ex-fiance doesn’t speak to me; I was a twat though so I can’t blame her at all.

My family and friends now tell me how much of a twat I was at times though my friends say they did enjoy and still laugh about some of the stupid things I’ve done over the years. Their wives and girlfriends are the ones who mostly thought I was bad news and say they dreaded their fella’s going out with me but they now consider me a ‘good egg’.

You certainly discover your true friends when you give up drinking; those ‘friends’ who I only drank with are no longer in my life now as we have no common ground anymore and they probably think I’m boring. But that’s fine by me.

Four years later though and looking where I am in life now just amazes me.  I’m happily married to a wonderful woman and have a perfect daughter (with another on the way).  And I like myself a hell of a lot more than I ever did.

Remove the mask of alcohol and you take a good look at yourself; there is nothing to hide behind anymore.  Now I have had terrible anxiety issues, a lack of self-confidence and poor body image all my life.  Of course, drinking does not tackle or solve these issues; it masks them and allows you to stumble through life in a never ending cycle of “I’m great” then “I’m not happy”.

It was a weird feeling to have to face up to being just me.  But I slowly learnt that being me was indeed good enough.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m perfect at all in fact I’m still actively trying to improve my appearance by going to the gym but at least these days I can look in the mirror and actually like what I see now.

I did go to see the Doctor and was enrolled on some counselling sessions however I found the NHS sessions very stale and unhelpful so I found a private counsellor that I paid for myself and had 1 session per week for about 9 months or so.  We talked about anything and everything; from the typical things like childhood and growing up; school, parents, siblings, relationships, friends, food, sex, drinking, drugs, work, major life events etc etc.  It’s difficult to explain but I can say that I did find the process extremely helpful; sometimes it was just nice to talk to someone independent who wouldn’t judge.  I was assigned ‘homework’ too which got me thinking more about myself and also started putting myself back out there in social situations without alcohol and reviewing how it went.

I struggled to cope sometimes; I remember having a panic attack in my local Sainsbury’s and just abandoning a trolley full of shopping and quickly leaving as I thought the whole world was watching and knew my secrets.  I had similar attacks when out socialising where I had to go outside for some fresh air but each time became easier; you’ve just got to face the world and put yourself out there.  Locking yourself away in the house won’t get you anywhere quickly.

After 10 months booze free; I did the ultimate test. A week in Magaluf with my mate. Everyone thought I was punishing myself. Admittedly there was only once where I thought ‘I’d love a beer like’; we’d just arrived, mid-afternoon, sun shining, went to a beach bar, surrounded by beautiful people, waiter comes over, my mate orders a pint.  It took a lot of strength to order my diet coke! And when my mate’s pint arrived in its frosted glass, it looked so nice.  But I resisted it.  Easy. And for the whole holiday I was surrounded by your typical Brits drinking all day/night and behaving like utter wankers that it just served as a stark reminder of what I used to be and that I didn’t ever want to be like that again.

I’ve always been quite shy growing up too and I used alcohol to get over this.  I’m a fair skinned bloke too so I always used to think my cheeks were red; I used to blush really easily in my youth and I used to think I was perpetually red. I carried this into adult life.  I used to check my face in every mirror and in every reflective surface I could throughout the day.  At one point in my life I actually carried a pocket mirror with me everywhere.  Being drunk took this feeling away and I could look in the mirror and think I was awesome; like Brad Pitt (a slightly ginger one!)

But it was all just in my head.  I do still blush of course but we all do for fucks sake; it took me a long time to get over this.  Sounds silly when I’m typing this.  I spoke to some close friends about it and they simply said they’d never associated me with being a blusher so it just goes to show you what rot can set in your head and massively effect your life.

I joined a gym 2weeks after stopping drinking; I wasn’t a fat bastard but years of drinking and bad food had taken its toll and I was out of shape; a sort of fat skinny man with a beer belly so I needed to get in shape. I also now had time to kill so I went 3 times a week and became quite addicted; it is true that people end one addiction and start another but the gym is far healthier (if it’s done right). But even this went wrong at first; from the ages of 15-18 I kept a food diary and was anal about calorie intake; it’s a control thing I suppose, so this all came back, I used an App on my phone, tracking calories every day. Really it was tracking the lack of calories as I dropped 2stone to 10.5 stone which made me look like “an Aids victim” as one of my clients so politely put it one day.  So this gave me a kick up the arse to stop this madness, eat properly and go to the gym.  But I then took it the other way though; I started eating 4000 calories a day to bulk up.  I eventually controlled this too and for the past 2years I’ve got it under control to just eat normally, have a cheat day once a week and eat anything and go to the gym 3 times a week. The gym does help keep me sane I think; I get anxious if I miss a session.  But I think it’s a healthy obsession now; 3 x 40mins sessions a week – I’m more interested these days in getting home to my wife and daughter and spending quality time as a family unit.

I read a lot of books on alcohol addictions to gain a sound understanding of it.  I also read about depression as it is in my family so perhaps I had some in me.  I discovered a condition known as ‘body dysmorphic disorder’ (BDD) and read books on this; for a time, I was convinced this is what I was suffering from as I had (and still have) many of the symptoms.  But I think it’s like OCD, like most of us do, I show symptoms of OCD too but not to the extent that it makes my quality of life suffer.  I just think that because of the feelings/symptoms of BDD that I had, that I used drinking to help mask them and allow me to cope with life. I always used to say that if I permanently felt like I’d drank 2 pints then life would be so much better/easier and I would like myself more!

I sometimes wonder if I will ever drink again but I know that I won’t because me and drink just don’t get on.  I sometimes have dreams where I have been drinking and getting pissed and for a second when I wake up, I think it’s been real and I’m wounded by the feeling but then I remember it was a dream and I’m so relieved.

Each to their own but I can’t fathom out why you would give up and then want to re-introduce alcohol even in moderation.  I know Alistair Campbell now has the odd drink; after the life he’s had with drink you’d think he’d never tempt himself again but each to their own isn’t it.  I also know a guy who quit drinking and to celebrate his 5 years sober, he had a bottle of Budweiser – what’s all that about! He even said it tasted like shit. But again, each to their own.

But I now actually have feelings in my alcohol free life that make me feel like I’ve had a couple of pints! This is from the joy of living a contented sober life and having wonderful family and friends around you.

Life will never be ‘perfect’ – what is perfect? Life is still full of many challenges and still brings highs and lows but the difference with me now is that I can cope with it all.  Being alcohol free means you are clear and focussed on what needs to be done, you can learn to love yourself and embrace life and the loved ones around you. And remember every minute of it.

Serenity, Courage and Wisdom (as AA say).

Thanks for taking the time read if you made it all the way through.

Gary, a happy 37 year old.