by Gary McKendrick | Feb 1, 2019 | Blog
Change is scaring. For some people.
But change is a constant thing in life.
We have to evolve, learn and grow. This is change.
Consider this question:
Have you got what you want yet?
Perhaps you have but it’s not fulfilling you any more.
Well, the good news is you have the power to change. It’s your choice.
If you don’t like your RESULTS, then you can take ACTION to change.
These are the only TWO things you need to focus on.
Your Actions and Your Results. Change your actions and your results will change.
But to take it a step further and also make you realise the magic of change, I will share with you how I live.
It’s very simple.
Results – are you happy?
YES – keep doing what you’re doing, (these actions are working, for now)
NO – change your actions.
It’s simply MAGIC
M = Mindset – control your thoughts, beliefs and work to your values. Believe you can achieve what you want with the right focus, patience, persistence, clarity and direction.
A = Actions – control of your actions, your habits, your routines, your behaviours, your responses. Make sure your actions are good ones that are making progress. Be wary of bad habits.
G = Goal – know exactly what you want (and what you don’t want), aim for something realistic, those who aim for the horizon never reach it; whilst those who aim for nothing always achieve it!!
I = Integrity – just do what you said you’d do, keep promises to yourself and others. Follow through on promises and commitments to be better.
C = Courage – embrace feeling uncomfortable and experience doing something new, feel the fear but don’t let it buckle you. Do it. And you will survive the ‘ordeal’ and quickly realise the fear was all in your head. Courage leads to Confidence and soon your comfort zone has expanded into territory you never thought you’d be in.
There you go, the magic of change. It’s not easy, but it’s very worth it.
Change is hard at first, messy in the middle but beautiful in the end
by Gary McKendrick | Dec 18, 2018 | Blog
This month, on the 13th December, I celebrated 9 years sobriety.
My weapon of choice being booze; with occasionally doing other recreational ‘stuff’. But mostly booze. Booze was my go-to guy for the good days, the bad days, the average days, or any days!
But on the 13th December 2009, I had finally had enough of feeling shite about myself, always planning my life around my next fix and ultimately escaping the real issues going on. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
Prior to this day, I’d tried several times to give up but only ever lasted a few weeks; with 5 weeks being the longest stretch and it felt like 5 years! The times when I’d tried to give up before were just a reaction to my partners or parents concern about me so I’d promise to change for them, it was never because I actually wanted to. I didn’t really think I had a problem after-all.
On 13th Dec 2009, I was 33, a grown man, but I felt like a lost little boy. No confidence, low self-esteem, anxiety, panic attacks, body image issues, I thought I constantly blushed (like being embarrassed to be me). But the booze fixed all that.
On that day, 9 years ago, I woke up severely hungover and feeling down. I thought about getting back on it. It’s Christmas after all, a time for partying. I could just give up in the New Year, make a New Year’s Resolution. But I knew this was weak and a cop out. So, instead, I just cried. I sat and cried for ages.
I’d finally had enough.
That day I started a whole new journey to where I am now. I had no idea what would happen, even if I’d succeed, I just knew I had to go for it in a different way.
This time though, I got proper help. Therapy (CBT) for 9 months, paid for privately as the NHS waiting time was 6 months. I spoke to my GP, my friends, parents and workmates.
I took away temptation in the house, tipped all alcohol down the sink. I recall a time when I’d panic if there was no alcohol in the house; or not enough, what if I ran out and needed more beer or wine, so always have a good stock. I changed my environment. Drinking buddies fell by the wayside but real friends remained.
I discovered exercise and a whole new world was revealed. I joined the local gym on 29th December 2009, I was so nervous, I’d never exercised, I hated it, I hated PE at school. But I went in for my induction, I remember fretting so much about what to wear! Crazy when I think back. Exercising immediately became part of my new life; the benefits of moving the body every day are immense.
I ultimately changed my mind. About myself. About life. And changed my habits.
Remember we have conditioned ourselves over many years to think and act a certain way. This thinking and behaving can serve a purpose of seeking pleasure or moving away from pain. You can think it serves you well but if you ultimately haven’t got the desired results you want then you need to re-condition yourself. No one is born destined to be fat, lazy, poor, unloved, unfulfilled and unhappy – we can create this by way of our habitual thoughts and actions.
Re-conditioning yourself isn’t an overnight fix, there’s no magic pill, potion, guru, webinar, seminar or book. It’s all down to YOU to change. Yes, there’s plenty help and support out there, go get it, talk to professionals, talk to family & friends, talk to people who’ve achieved what you want to achieve, read the books, do the 12-steps, go into rehab if you need to.
Find the things that work for you. It all comes down to YOU, how bad do you want to change, how much do you value your self, your body, your mind, your relationships, your future. How committed are you? How much discipline and self-control have you got? You already have all you need deep inside of you to make it work.
Mind, it’s not easy, it’s very hard at first but it does get less hard over time. But be prepared for it getting worse before it gets better. You’ll have moments of being tempted to say “fuck this shit, I’m back on it”. But this is the test, part of the process of re-conditioning and improving your mental strength.
Just take it one day at a time, that’s all I did and all anyone can do. And if you fail, then start again, never give up.
The road to success is peppered with mistakes, failures and learning.
I found 1 day quickly turned into 2 days. Then 3. Then 1 week, into 2 weeks then 1 month. Fucking hell I was doing this. Then 2 months, 3 months. Then 1 year, 2 years, 3, 4, 5 etc etc. All from just a ‘one day at a time’ approach.
Our daily habits create our results. Are your habits creating the results you actually want?
Point of this story? Just to let you know that you can do it too. I promise you. You’ve got it in you to do it. Believe in yourself.
If you have things you’d like to change, don’t wait until new years to set resolutions, just do it now, start today.
Change is hard at first, messy in the middle but beautiful in the end.
Hope this post helps.
by Gary McKendrick | Dec 6, 2018 | Blog
This week our 4yr old, Grace, got awarded the ‘Runner of the Month’ at school.
She came home with a little certificate; she was over the moon.
I was so proud of her and we had a celebration; what a win.
She proudly put her certificate on the fridge, lining it up in the perfect place and carefully putting fridge magnets on it to hold it just right.
I asked her “How did you win it, by running the fastest?”
She said “No, I run and I don’t stop, other children do”
She ‘just runs’. And she does when I think about it. I love watching my two girls just run about. Kids run about just because they can. No other reason.
We’ll be walking around somewhere and one of them will suddenly say “Let’s run” and they do. Brilliant.
Us grown-ups forget to run about. We only run when we’re late or its a form of exercise.
What else do we stop doing so much when we become busy little adults? We maybes don’t laugh so much, or relax as much, or have so much fun, or be silly, play games, or sing and dance.
So stop, breathe, relax – just for a moment. Have a moment to yourself, every day. Whether its a walk outside, meditation, having a coffee without scrolling through fakebook, read a book, or just staring at the wall (which is, in fact, a form of meditation). Just 5mins. Then build up that time, and schedule it, don’t just grab it when you have time. It won’t happen.
And run. Randomly run. Or do your equivalent of a random run. Because you can. When you’re old and frail you’ll do anything to be able to run. So, make the most who you are, the health you have and who and what you have, today, in the present.
A phrase I like:
If you have one foot in the past and the other in the future, then you’re pissing all over the present.
This morning in the car, Whitney came on, I turned it up really loud and sang my little ginger heart out to ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody”, it felt good. Try it.
Never stop running.
Thanks to my kids for all the little thought-provoking lessons.
by Gary McKendrick | Nov 19, 2018 | Blog
That’s right. LOOK at the STATE of YOU.
Typically when you hear this being said “Look at the state of you”, it’s got negative vibes around it or contempt over something or someone.
The ‘state’ is the particular condition that someone or something is in at a specific time. So in that respect, it’s actually a very good question to ask yourself and ask it regularly.
Reframe it as:
“Am I in a good state?”
Or “Am I happy with the state of my life”.
Direct the question to all areas of your life
- Your body
- Your mind
- Your relationships (with partner, kids, parents, siblings, family, friends)
- Your diet / nutrition
- Your fitness
- Your sleep
- Your hydration
- Your career or business
- Your bank balance
- Your work-life balance
- Your hobbies
- Your ‘me’ time
- Your confidence
- Your romance
- Your goals, clarity and direction
- Your habits
- Your fulfilment
- Your happiness
If the answer is No, then address that particular problem and fix it. You can’t possibly be consistently on point with all areas of your life so it’s good to stop and ask yourself what state you’re in so you can keep fine-tuning things.
Perhaps, one week you’ve had a particularly mental busy week at work so you may have neglected your body by way of no exercise, poor eating habits, lack of sleep and increased stress. On top of that, you’ve neglected your family, you’re up early & home late and just too tired to be a nice person to your own loved ones.
They suggest you’re working too hard or say you’re not around much. You bark, “I’m doing this for you”. They’d rather you were around more, looking after yourself and full of beans with them. You need to change your state mate.
Or perhaps you need to take some drastic action in an area that you’ve spent forever avoiding. For example, I used to hate looking in the mirror, I hated my face and my body; I suffered from anxiety and low self-worth. I ‘coped’ with alcohol and silence. True story. I knew my life was in a bad state. But I continued to ignore it and repeat the same thoughts and habits which were only feeding my misery. It’s a vicious cycle of neglect or blissful ignorance.
Only when I stopped and recognised the ‘state’ I was in, was I able to correct it. It’s not an overnight fix either, remember you’ve spent years creating this state so prepare yourself for it taking years to change.
But change is always possible, anytime. Change is constant, don’t fear it.
Change your state.
by Gary McKendrick | Oct 12, 2018 | Blog
You want something………
A result, a thing, an outcome, an improvement, a change, a promotion, a better body, more money, better relationships, more romance, less stress, more time, something better, more fulfilment, your dreams to come true etc.
Simple question: Are you doing enough?
As in, are you applying yourself and taking enough action to get what you want?
You might think you are and that you’re going at it 100% but have you got what it is that you want yet? Are you making progress as quickly as you expected? Are you 100% committed and applying 100% effort?
Because the thing is, you can always DO MORE.
And you can always BE BETTER.
Test the theory; the easiest way is in the gym. I do it frequently. I set my intentions to do X then I’ll do X plus MORE. For example, say you’re doing 10 reps lifting something, I promise you that you can do more, do 12 reps, or even just 1 more rep, that’s still more. Or if you’re running for 20mins, I promise you that you can keep going and do 25mins, or just 1 more minute, or 10 more seconds, all still MORE.
Then when you find yourself always doing more, set your intentions higher, increase the weight, or increase the reps, or increase the duration or distance, then away you go. But always do more. This little extra push at the end is testing you further, how bad do you want to improve, keep pushing, just do one more rep.
In your day job, if it includes, for example, making 5 sales calls a day and talking to 3 existing clients a day; simply make 6, 7 or 8 sales calls and talk to 4 or 5 clients a day.
You want that promotion; are you doing enough to stand out for all the right reasons. Or are you leaving things until tomorrow and allowing yourself to coast a little and be a little distracted and not as productive and focused as you know you could be?
If you’re studying for an exam, are you scheduling the time to study, well in advance, and are you sticking to the schedule. Well done if you are. But do more, do a longer study session, turn 1hr into 1.25hrs.
If you’ve been meaning to read a book for months then commit to 1 chapter a day. (Or 1 page a day if you need to, just start reading FFS!!) Get into this new habit and when it becomes no effort to do, increase your capacity to 2 chapters per day. (or 2 pages a day!)
Do you see the simple logic here – just do the thing you know you need to do, and apply yourself just that little bit more. Often, the extra effort required to do ‘more’ isn’t actually that much more but the difference in results is huge over the long term, the compound effect.
On a similar note, you should also ask yourself “Once I have ‘it’, will I be willing to put the continued effort in to maintain ‘it’?”
Maintaining success is the hardest bit. It makes reaching your success seem easy. Staying on top of your game takes immense effort, commitment, self-control and discipline. Again, think fitness and losing weight, you see people routinely lose an awful lot of weight, then slowly put it all back on again because they hit their goal, their success, then they stopped doing the things that achieved the outcome they wanted.
I write this as a reminder for me too; I have to remind myself to keep doing the things I know I need to do to maintain but also to get better; in health, in love, in business, in wealth, in life.
Consider all areas of your life; if you’re not happy with anything, ask yourself if you’re doing enough? Stop moaning, complaining, whining, gossiping, blaming and generally being a moron.
Do the things you need to do to get better. And keep doing them.
And just do more. You can always DO and BE MORE.
If you choose to.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that bit extra.
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